searoses

underneath the boughs of the giant flowering tree

2005-02-08T10:22:00.000-08:00

again waking from this dream
a trapped

no more

now resting beneath the limbs outstretched
and overhead pomised a lit bright day

she walked toward the mirrored path again

the staff she had hewn from fallen
would serve her on the rest of this journey

she recollected the beginnings of it
again alone
having left her companions
in their various places of destination
en route

now the reflective road stretched before her
smooth clicks of heels
on unscratchable mirrors
this glass still astonished

while sleeping there off the path
she had dreampt,
and what of that
those dreams were as conversations
over scrounged food with passersby
from long ago
...
all of it is simply forgotten now
doesn't matter
what has been done
that is the core of it
what could she claim
very little yet she felt

she thought of her mother
and the boys
and their meager garden

she wished for wings to carry her faster to the castle

opening her eyes she saw what had happened

2005-02-05T10:35:00.000-08:00

the citrus castle

2005-02-05T10:16:00.000-08:00

she was seven years old
it was an acquaintences birthday party
from a wealthy family
on the other side of the wall

beyond the wall there were many beautiful homes
with fresh water
enough to play in even
they kept the water in large open basins
evaporating to the sky
and kept plants from distant lands
not even for food
lavishing attention on them
they had amazing vehicles just for themselves spotlessly
clean and always running
they had open places where trees grew
and children could play
outside
and they were so safe
beyond the wall there were many beautiful things

she looked to the sides of the castle
it was a vibrant orange
and sun streamed in thru the
yellow parachute fabric spires
she was alone
and she bounced up and down on the air
twirling and landing
spinning and landing
then just throwing herself into the nothing
knowing she would land into the softest softness
the smell of the oranges
decorative
scented lovely
thru the summer currents of warm atmosphere
all effortlessness
she fell free to the floor
eyes delicately closed
the energy from the sun suffused all cells
relaxing into the eternity of light

the book she couldn't find there

2005-02-04T21:12:00.000-08:00

she shivered and turned
what if it was him

the nearing footsteps reverberated down the empty hall

she clutched her knees
curling instinctively into herself
eyes shut tight
like a child hiding
becoming invisible in the squinted dark
she stopped even her breath
and waited

the door opened

2005-01-18T23:04:00.000-08:00

she sat slumped against the shelves
head in her hands
hair a tangled drapery
clenched fists and spite
tears refusing to spill

it had begun to rain lightly
it was only an hour before dawn

she jerked up
tensed at the sound of footsteps
and squinted strained eyes into the grey light

empty

2005-01-16T10:56:00.000-08:00

she closed her eyes from the cold dim light of the library

she got down on her knees
her hands moving slowly over the leathery spines

she would know when she found it

her fingertips felt the edges of binding
worn cloth
well oiled skin
inlay and golden type
some so old they gave way beneath even her most gentle touch
book after book after book after book after...

it seemed an eternity of searching
her knees were sore and her back ached
she had come to the end of the cases
and found nothing.

seeking out the right volume

2005-01-15T09:57:00.000-08:00

if there was any answer it was here

she trusted no one else

the shelves on which her hope sat were dusty
cracked spines and bindings
missing pages
these hidden away ancients
long transcribed to digital records
had no purpose anymore

except for their ink

she had known from her mother the power of these books
but she had never used it
she had wanted to ignore her heritage

was it the source of these dreams
the cure
had she simply feared it long enough
or was it scraping at her psyche to be free

what would she release though
into the world by doing this
by choosing this path

there was no other way

all this time thinking and purusing each cover carefully
wiping away the age from the titles to read them

her eyes searched...what name was she was looking for
she didn't really even know that the book would exist

it too had just been a dream perhaps
she sought more fervently
pushing aside these thoughts from her cobwebbed mind

from every corner of the unknown

2005-01-12T19:25:00.000-08:00

she rushed down the hall
plagued by memories of what she saw
nightmared, terrified and claw scratches down the halls trailing
her nightgown catching at invisibility
clenching her fists
at hem and hair
she fled toward the great library

there was no alternative now

it was still night
and no one would come for her until dawn
as planned
then the ceremony and the start
the journey she had to make alone
down that road no one had traveled
and there was no map
just a myth
a story really
passed on and on
that if she followed
they said
she would come to that city
and she would be known as what she was
their queen
sounded simple enough
but if she had been just some innocent
perhaps she could go fearless
not knowing how hurt hurt could feel
and what little part of her psyche
lept from it's tracks crashed
had to be fixed
or should she get lost out there
there would be no getting back

the future queen slung open the door to the grand library
pride of the whole land
she knew exactly where she was going

she had found the people here to be
quite fond of knowledge as well as tale
and appreciated the written word almost as a religion

arriving at the east wing she delicately removed the passkey
from it's place near the stairs
and waved it thru the sensor
a series of chimes sounded
and the thick glass door opened toward her
she replaced the key
and passed thru to the inner rooms

she woke with a shock!

2005-01-11T11:45:00.000-08:00

it was still deep in the night
and there she was again in the bed

was this the dream
is this still the morning before

why these spirals
time never letting her go forward
instead always slipping
into lull reverberations of reality

these painful levels of recognition
the still to comes
looming ever more

she felt the room encroaching
as if the dream about the spiders
were still trapped in her synapse patterns
every corner seemed to crawl
the dark was vast caverns
and she shut her eyes violently
clutching the sheets
of paper scattered about the blankets

had she gone mad

what living was this
between nightmare so real
then reality so surreal
and her quest so close
but never starting
never even the light of some promised sun
no,

there must be something
something she could do...

to stop this trapped
to cease
and go on

it was the dreams...

she could never get beyond this night
ever
how many times had this happened

it had become uncountable

this cyclic sickening
she had to break it
there must be some spell
some chant
some incantation
some series of motions or events of the sky
that would release her from this disease of
the subconcious
the soul...?
she didn't even know where it lived
she couldn't find it
or hunt it down
and kill it
or convince it
or ...

because where was it in her mind

she had to find help.

she pulled her slippers
from beneath the bed
and stepped to the rose marble floor
with a shiver
rushing to the great door
urgent
drawn

the spiders give her a last meal to remember

2005-01-09T20:58:00.000-08:00

it was still cold
and since she was underground the chill was almost shivering

she waited for the creature to speak,
as it seemed preparing to do,
but it made some chirping sounds
she could neither distinguish
meaning nor music from
and so she began again looking into the deeper earth
for some escape

that is when she saw again
the spider eyes,
this time like before there below
not her creature's benign arrangement
but the many eyed possibly poisonous sort
which she decided was the only thing they could be
with eyes so placed in that manner

and she was right

her new speechless mudbird friend
had barely lept up on her shoulder
as she was slung from spider to spider
in sticky silken felt and sound whispered currents
satiny deadly
into the farther blacknesses

what did they want with her

how would she ever become queen now

she felt herself and her tiny companion
descend thru tunneling earth and
tossed then thru churning air
abuzz with feeler and fuzzbellys and dirt
and she could see nothing
only imagine where she would end up

finally coming to rest
she tipped a bit when set down on her feet
clipped entanglement of web strands
then equilibrium after dizzinesses
now rest
focusing
"solid ground feels so good" she said aloud
to no one in particular
simply because it felt good to say something out loud

what she saw when her eyes adjusted to the candlelight
was a feast grandiose
of things she only dreampt would share a table
all the things delightful to her
embedded in her senses as delectible and lovely
oh the desserts and fruits and steaming plates
and soup toureens and elaborate vegetables with spices so scented
she nearly lost consciousness

it was nothing she had ever seen...

but something was odd
why this, here, and how?
how would anyone know these, dishes some so obscure
things familiar only to rare people
and all here together...
she paused
her spine was electric

all around her the darkness set in a breath over her shoulder

she realized she had failed to even look behind her
so taken by the lavish thing in front of her
but was it even real?

she felt a heavy presence on her shoulder
and turned around

"since you are now the sacrifice, we have given you this
we hope that you are satisfied,
may it give health for your final hours"
and the thing disappeared into the dark

final hours...
hmmmm,
that was not in the plans.

her watch may have broken on that fall into the spider crack
but she knew she didn't have hours to waste here,
neither did she have any intention of dying for some spiders
who had probably tortured her mother to find out
all her favorite things to eat
and this was what almost brought her to another tear,
but her sweet silent creature
now sitting on the edge of her thumb
said to her very tenderly,

"so, the plans for getting out of here?..."
and she nodded her head with resolve
cleared her throat
wiped her face with the edge of her long sleeves
and they began searching the perimeters of the cavernous underground...

spider eyes speak

2005-01-08T19:00:00.000-08:00

the darkness was palpable
dust between her teeth
she choked and coughed
turning over to her side

the edge and air
she had landed on an outcropping of some sort
and was spared the whole fall

she moved and fastened herself to the wall of the ledge
using her belt and a limb jutting from the rock

her body was sore, but she could still see light
though it was hardly day yet
she wondered if she were trapped there
if the light would burn a hole in her
as it did with the ants
and the magnifying glass

this seemed incoherant
but she was preparing for the worst
already she had lost the perfect day-long trip
that everyone had wanted for her

turning one dirt encrusted cheek to the sky
she let a single tear fall making mud
and from this drop
and this ball of earth
formed a little person

but because it's head was
composed of a droplet of the most futile tears
it had many eyes like a spider

she noticed it after some time of sighing into the blackness

it was patient

it didn't want to frighten her

it didn't know it was possibly scary looking
it was simply polite

and it wasn't truly terrifying
if only because it was so small
and had a kind smile

she looked at this creature
born from her sadness
and was shocked then delighted
"why, you are a friend in this underground place,
and i hope we can have good conversation
about how to leave"

it looked at her
with it's many eyes and paused thoughtfully
looking as if it would speak...

spider eyes seen

2005-01-08T18:58:00.000-08:00

in between all the debris of root and soil
clumps of mirrored remnant and shatter
all bound together compacted there
in parts here and scattered
she could see glimmerings that were not glass
but faceted, many reflective discs it seemed
though she could not see closely enough

until peering too far over the cliff
she tottered and fell

spider eyes presence

2005-01-08T18:55:00.000-08:00

the path rang with her footsteps
she was light on her feet
free and determined

until the crack

it was more of a small chasm,
and it ran right thru the path severing it from itself
on the other side

she regarded the cracked feathers of the birds
and looked and the broken petals of the flowers

but the edge was not half as interesting
as the deep

it barely seemed the hour

2005-01-08T14:07:00.000-08:00

she was hesitant to look at her watch again
because if it were right
oh, she still had a long way to go

the sun was barely over the horizon of the mountains ahead
the road was paved with a mosaic of mirrors tightly wrought
with patterns of peacocks and birds of paradise
the reflection would be amazing once the sun was high

she wondered as she walked rhythmic on the tiny tiles
click click of her shoes
taps almost
yet with a bell resonance...
how could she walk and not scuff these plates of silver?

knowing her curiousity would certainly lead her astray
she tried to keep her mind's eye focused on the goal
the castle,
where she could finally take the land back for her people
where she would be the queen they deserved

the spirit of this thought,
this hope
brightened a light down on her from a place somewhere above her head
where her thoughts gathered after they were born

there in this place
she would see the castle

everything depended on it

as evidenced by the scars she had been thru this before

2005-01-07T19:36:00.000-08:00

was that first hour going to be the
most challenged heavy and roarthirsty
but no

coming in again
there the silence

mournings and clouds that are a thousand greys
"what sad that i went searching so long
and there it was,
within me so close distanced"

the answer
known but unable to make
known
unable to call out
yet having words
yet having community to give voice to those words scrawled in blood ink
on some page or another

whatever

"this is just all to get me to focus on the task at hand"
she said to herself again
and she was
right

at the appointed time she woke
effortlessly almost
and with little friction moved into a traveler
blissed out and blessed by motion

it was only minutes into it

so many
remained,
yet charted and claimed
yet counted toward something better...

she would be queen...

and could finally make it right for the others...

her intentions were of the purest stuff
but these things do go askew
some
times...

the thoughts she had spread out into dreams

2005-01-06T03:34:00.000-08:00

there was never any sure thing
she knew that

but she hoped still that her
dedication would pay off somehow
that if she followed this path as she had done before
it would all meet there in that city
and she would become queen

her pace was almost slow
a little cautious
she was still healing

her feet knew the pains of such travel
as did her heart
and her very cells were wary of such a trip again

but none of that talk

this was for the crown

no manner of bloody flesh torn from wild thorns
could stop her now

no

nothing could stop her now

she walked on in broad contemplation

it is the morning

2005-01-05T11:24:00.000-08:00

she brushed back the sheer curtain
her eyes feasting on the horizon

this was the day

butterflies greeted and dressed her
she walked without sound toward the glass door

it was locked

the music stopped
the grandiose scene melted away
run down paint colors made her gown into sack rags

she stood silent

then lept up and howled
howled louder and louder
until she grew fur and fangs

she slashed thru the shattering
and ran from the room

running faster thru the trees
faster and faster until all was streakby and blur

she came to the edge of a cliff
a promontory over which there was no bridge
and no beast could leap across

she cried
cried into the sky

fangs became beak
fur turned to feather

she was a raven

she sailed on the currents across effortless chasm
there would be freedom

wind became night dark and cold
the above broke and rain fell
heavy drops pelted her down

she crashed into branches

and woke,
bedsheets tangled
in the chamber of the king as she had fallen
asleep there waiting...

to begin...

the taste of perfection is still on the tongue

2005-01-04T01:17:00.000-08:00

beauty was let out
again the wings stretched
the vision once more manifest

"you are the queen"
they told her

the city was only a days walk away
if you started at morning
and kept walking until that same time
the next day
you would arrive

so here is her trip
it is a long hard dejavu
she has had to go thru so much to get even here...

but this is her first hour soon,
she lies awake ceiling staring
deep into the night

thoughts racing
what of it this time,
it is dangerous
it could really be too soon
yet if not now then when?

"it must be now
or i am thru with this life"
she said

tired of imperfection
disgusted by the feasted flesh
worn thru
she slept eventually
and when she wakes
it begins

what will those 24
hours hold